Life isn’t a Hardy Boys novel. You can’t just solve all your problems away.


Here’s a quick meal idea. Make pancakes, but don’t cook them. Drink the batter. Swallow the slime. Cry yourself to sleep. Wake up crying. All of the light bulbs in your home have been burnt out for months. Forget to brush your teeth. Get pee on your robe. Break your only plate. Vomit in the shower. Bugs are on the television screen at night. Throw your phone on the roof. No ice. Sit in the closet. Red cloth. Asthma. Loud noises. 


Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to b-ball courts, and professional b-ball courts, and b-ball courts in space, and welcome you to the jam in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like you’re taking it into over time. I will slam you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why it’s the space jam. Here’s your chance, do your dance. It’s the space jam. Alright.


i wish i was four again